"Maturity vs. Confidence"

Part of my email to him:

I guess I still don't know what you mean by all of that. I was being honest when I said that I recognized the ways in which I have less life experience than you. That I recognize the fact that I will change a lot in the next few years and don't have it all figured out yet. But is that what you mean? if so than where does the insecurity stuff come into play? It's somewhat ridiculous because all that thinking about this has done is made me feel insecure, and then feel scared and bad about feeling insecure, because that's not what you want.

Part of his reply:

You may remember that I got really happy after you said all that stuff. Well, I honestly should have left it there, but my idiot mind decided it would be better to explain why that made me so happy to hear. I'm sorry. But yes, that was the reassurance that I needed about your character, which I knew all along. You're aware of yourself and that's key to continue growing into yourself.

I think was afraid of the stereotypical relaxing that happens when people become a part of a couple. And what I've seen happen with girls (I don't observe guys, so I don't know if it's true of them or now) who are in serious relationships after college, they settle down and let their relationship define who they are, rather than continue to grow and explore themselves. That's been the bulk of my worry with you. I didn't want that to happen for either your sake or our relationships' sake.

Again, I'm sorry I didn't explain this better last night. You dispelled any actual worries that I had about immaturity. The confidence comment was poorly worded. When I talk about confidence, it's really a self-assurance that even though you don't have all the right answers, it's okay. What you do have is all you can offer, and that's what people want. An authentic you. Now, is that something I have? Heck no! At least only once in a blue moon. It's what we all work offer the world as often as possible.

Also, honestly, I want to you to be able to come to me when you don't have that sort of confidence, just as I come to you. That's part of how we can take care of each other. I'm sorry that I made it sound like a requirement last night. I love you regardless of your level of confidence, because it's going to fluctuate, and that's okay.


I still don't feel great about it all..